Not able to last as long as one wishes during sex is one common challenge faced by men. Premature ejaculation is uncontrolled ejaculation either before or shortly after sexual penetration. It happens with minimal sexual stimulation and before the person wishes. With this definition, almost every man at some point in his life might have experience premature ejaculation. Lifelong premature ejaculation means that the problem has always existed since puberty. Acquired premature ejaculation is for men who started suffering from premature ejaculation at some point later in his life. It does causes distress, anxiety and affect one's self esteem and lead to dissatisfied sex life.
So what cause premature ejaculation? I would say for most people, it is more psychological than physical. Performance anxiety, masturbate too frequently and quickly, relationship challenges, sex trauma and stress could be some of the cause. I usually work with clients to identify the root cause which for many, could be the first sexual experience or some childhood issue.
Medically doctor will say that there is no cure for premature ejaculation and will prescribe anti depressant pills or spray and cream as treatment. I am personally against the use of medicine or spray/cream as they are really meant to desensitise and numb a person, and every medicine will have their side effect. There are many other natural solutions that can help a man suffering from premature ejaculation and tantra is one of them.
I have worked with many clients who are suffering from premature ejaculation with positive results, usually within 2 to 4 sessions. This is possible as I am using a combination of breath therapy, trauma release, massage and counselling to create the change. Having said that, this is not a quick fix solution but requires one to be commitment and do the homework as prescribed and follow up for sessions. Those clients who faithfully follow through the sessions are able to see themselves lasting from less than 5 minutes to more than half an hour. There is hope for any man who are suffering from premature ejaculation.
How do I know if I have any sexual blocks?
I have designed the following questions to help you to take an inventory of yourself.
a. On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you? 1= very unhappy, 10=living in bliss
b. On a scale of 1-10, how stress are you? 1= no stress, 10 = on the verge of a melt down
c. On a scale of 1-10, how intense are your orgasms? 1 = just a release of semens, 10= my whole body vibrates with ecstasy
d. On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable and confident you are with yourself? 1= never feel good enough, 10 = I love and accept myself just the way I am
e. Are you carrying emotional baggages of hurt, shame, anger, guilt etc?
f. Does your friends or loved one comment on your low energy in general?
6 ways to clear sexual blocks
1. Go inside
No, not going inside the yoni of your lover but go inside yourself. Go learn meditation, yoga, tai chi or just spend some quiet reflection time each day and go inside your heart to start feeling.
Any form of exercise is good, especially if is done in nature. However, to clear blocks, I will recommend to dance. Is not about how well you dance, so long as you move freely and feel your body, that is good enough. You can start by dancing in front of a mirror or just spend 5 min in the bathroom to move your body. Just be flexible and move and have fun.
I cannot emphasise how important this is. Most clients I see are not breathing deep. Remember, breath is life, how you breathe is how you live. Start paying attention to your breath. The natural optimal way of breathing is through your diaphragm. When you breathe in, your belly should rise and when you breathe out, your belly will fall. Breathe like a baby again. You will never see a baby with shallow breathing.
When we were young, we laugh up to 300 times in a day. How often do you laugh in a day now? Laughter has been proven scientifically to be good for physical and emotional health. Learn to laugh for no reason. I am a certified laughter yoga leader and will be running some laughter session soon. Meanwhile, laugh for no reason and bring in some playfulness in life again and have fun.
5. Release emotional baggages and past trauma
Most of us have old wounds and past trauma. I had lots of emotional baggages in the past and sexually block and suppressed. It took me few years of inner work partnering with different therapists to release my own emotional baggages and trauma. My preferred releasing technique is a conscious connected breathing technique (rebirthing/breathwork) that was developed in the 70s in the United States. My own personal life was transformed drastically because of breathwork and that was why I embarked on the journey of becoming a breathworker in 2009.
Lingam/yoni massage or other form of bodywork like kahuna massage, rolfing is a good way to clear sexual blocks. My personal favourite bodywork is yoni massage and kahuna massage. For those of you looking at kahuna massage, I will highly recommend my therapist and dear friend, Roger Curtis. He comes to Singapore regularly to give sessions. You may email me for more information.
There is no miracle pill to clearing sexual blocks. It saddened me sometime to see clients who are obviously not happy and suppressed in life but yet no commitment to change. Usually they disappear after one session as they see no result (since they are block, they cannot feel any orgasmic energy). I wish I can perform miracles but it is not realistic to expect all blocks that one carry for years to be cleared in one session. The desire to change is the first step and each of us are responsible for our change. Any therapist can only facilitate and support you in clearing your blocks.
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill is a famous classic self help book that many of you are familiar with. Are you aware that in the book, the author has dedicated a chapter on "The Mystery of Sex" where he talked about the transmutation of sex as the tenth step toward riches. This again remind us again the power of harnessing our sexual energy and clearing any blocks that we may have.
If we know how to channel our sexual energy, not only it gives us more intense pleasure, it also allow us to be fueled by this energy for our creativity and spirituality. Sex could be merely an act of instant gratification to satisfy a physical need or it could be a union of two souls and bodies with deep intimacy and connection.
Both men and women can experience intense pleasure and bliss. And men, like women, can be multi orgasmic. Each of us are in our own unique journey to explore our body, our sexual energy and also how to be an intimate and loving partner. Tantra is about creating unconditional love to yourself and others. Start today by being more loving to yourself and get in touch with your emotions and your body.
“There are people who are never once aware of their breath going in and out of their body throughout their whole life. That is how distance they live from themselves.”
Breath is what keeps us alive and yet most of us are not fully aware of our breath. Most adults are doing shallow breathing and not fully utilizing our lung capacity.
I remembered the first time a friend asked me to try out breathwork, a safe and powerful releasing technique, I was very skeptical. I thought I know how to breathe so why do I need to attend a breathwork session? Back than in 2006, I had just began my journey of self development and so decided that I shall just give this technique a try. The experience that I had in the session with my breathworker and subsequently my mentor, teacher and friend, John Stamolous, was beyond words. I had a great emotional release and felt lighter physically and emotional after the session. What took me by surprise was how I started to think and act differently weeks after the session. Positive changes happens effortlessly once I cleared the blocks that were holding me back.
Working and mastering my breath became the main tool in my transformation journey in the next few years. I would never imagine back in 2006 that I could create so much changes within myself by harnessing the power of my own breath. My breath is my transformation tool, it took me from a low self esteem, unhappy, lost person to who I am today. I would never imagine that I could be transformed from someone who was so afraid to speak to people to be now doing training and facilitation internationally . That is why I am so passionate to share orgasmic breath with others.
How we breathe is how we live, what is your experience with your breath like? Do share with me your own journey with your breath and remember, is never too late to start using your breath as your transformative tool.
Most people are busy attempting to change their external world. We want to change our partner, our children, our boss, our staff, our government and even the world. We think that our life will get better and happier when we could fix the other party. The truth is, for things to change, first I must change. It might be true that the other party have some flaws, however, real sustainable change can and will only happen when we work within ourselves and create the change that we hope to see in others. If you are peaceful and calm and know how to set healthy boundaries, you will never be affected much by an unreasonable boss. If you radiate love and compassion, your family members will feel the essence of love and they will start to respond accordingly. If you are a business leaders and want to change your company culture, start with YOU first as you are the culture of the organisation.
Every person that we meet in our life is a mirror reflection of ourselves, showing us what we need to heal or change. Instead of getting busy trying to fix other people or the world, why not work on our inner world and create the change within ourselves starting from now? True happiness and success can only happen when we create the change from within, instead of busy changing the external world.